think of the ways i say hello

wahhh.

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 00:25:45 GMT

tired. distracted. no motivation to work.

help mehzz.

new fic =P

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 03:25:12 GMT

anyone willing to take a chance and read...?

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4083372/1/Autobiography

sadly, i'm bored

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 04:46:02 GMT

Okay, so I dug up this old thing again cuz I really did not feel like doing spanish hw. =/ Eheh, so I was reading some past entries, and I kinda realized just how childish and immature I sounded. T^T Oh, woe is me.

Anyhoo, I'm greedy, I want reviews and critical acclaim, so please visit http://www.fanfiction.net/u/594507/. xDD K, thx, and bai.

liek back from the dead?? >.

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 23:54:18 GMT

Wow, so like, I'm bad at commitment. -___- Nice to know that I can't actually keep a blog without dying in between....meh....

Therefore, I might actually give up on this blog.

Howl's Moving Castle

Mon, 07 May 2007 02:57:19 GMT

Holy shitz. I decided to watch Howl's Moving Castle yesterday, and it was just purely amazing. Storyline, imagery, everything. Another winner by Miyazaki (good man, good man).

However, I always think that Miyazaki always leaves out unexplained mysteries hanging around (either that or I'm totally stupid =P). Like when exactly does Sophie revert to her younger self again? Why did that door behind the castle debris lead to Howl's past? Why is Howl so hot? And etc.

Ripped from someone - I forgot who

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 18:10:09 GMT

Find your Celestial Choir

Natural air of leadership? Um, sure.

i have no life save when the swords clash

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 20:56:09 GMT

Meme from mirha:

I want to know 34 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. Just answer the questions and if you feel like it, post this in your own journal.

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

the apparition of these faces in a crowd

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 19:29:05 GMT

I re-read retrospect, the fic I posted yesterday, and I rather like it. ^_^ I think it increased in quality as it went on, the first chapter being the worst and the last chapter being the best. And no, there really is no point to it. Like I said to my friend Jeff, it's just that I think Sakura had an identity crisis at 12, Naruto is girly, and Sasuke became his brother no matter what steps he took to avoid that.

BTW the titles of these two past entries are an Ezra Pound poem that's only 2 lines long.

In a Subway at the Metro
The apparition of these faces in a crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.

Well, I think it's really deep.

petals on a wet, black bough

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 01:18:40 GMT

New Naruto story. Am way too fucking tired to write the summary and crap, and I really don't have to hear about from my total amount of ZERO readers how I haven't posted in like 5 months. The fic is also under contruction so I also don't wanna hear about how it's total shit.

AND I REALLY LAMENT THE FACT THAT I HAVE NO HUMOR WHATSOEVER.

Story below. Has new chapter spoilers, but I bet you really do not fucking care.

restrospect (working title)

subtitle: WHAT THEY DID AFTER HE ABANDONED THEIR HEARTS AND LEFT

chapter 1: the lovelies and the love lies

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He had come home. No, that one, the idiot. The blond with blue eyes and no desire for manners. She was happy to see him, yes, but wanted to run away from him, yes.

“You’re not ready, are you?”

Talking to herself again. But emptiness echoes back to her. Like an abyss. Maybe that’s why she wasn’t so lonely during the past few years.

“God, I’m crazy.”

She put on a smile and went to greet him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5 WEEKS LATER – JUNE 24

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And have you seen the Hokage Mountain? They put Shishou’s face on it!”

“Mm, mm!” Chewing some ramen. “So, so—” Swallows. “—my face’ll look hot up there on the mountain when I become Hokage, right?”

“Hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, alright?”

Naruto waved his chopsticks at her. “Why not? We all know I’m going to be the next Hokage.”

She laughs and agrees, but deep down inside, she thinks his dreams are trivial.

(cuz I’m grown-up and he’s exactly the same)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When did she start writing a diary? Sakura didn’t know. Seven years old – no, nine. It was a stereotypical young girl’s thoughts and the first entry was only four words long.

I love Uchiha Sasuke.

The next:

Do you think he loves me back? If he doesn’t, he will fall in love with me, because I am the princess of the story, and he is the valiant prince. Princesses are always lady-like and social, so I have to be more out-going, like Ino. I have to get prettier clothes and longer hair, since princes like long hair. Have you ever heard of Rapunzel? I have to hide my forehead, since princesses do not have large foreheads. I hope that he will like me when I start to change myself, because he probably does not even know I exist right now. I want to live happily ever after with him. Isn’t it romantic?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ino got her best friend a new diary, age eight.

“Pink?” Sakura said, disappointed. She liked colors like navy blue and black, and always wanted gel pens, not the pretty, shiny lavender-inked fountain pen that came along with the new notebook.

“Yeah, pink. Isn’t it pretty? It matches you hair.” Ino held the diary up. “Well, not really. It’s a darker pink that your hair. Ah well.” She lowered the book a little. “It matches your eyes. Isn’t that cool? You got a diary that matches your eyes.”

“Yeah, but…I like black better.” Hardly a mumble. Ino wouldn’t have caught it even if Sakura was speaking through a megaphone, but she could decipher her friend’s lip movements.

“Black? Look, if you want boys to like you, you have to be more lady-like. Girls like pink, so you better start liking it. Oh, and by the way,” Ino added, “you should start wearing pink clothes. It will really look great on you, and that’s your first step to being lady-like.”

The next day, Sakura compromised by wearing red. Ino commended her on her effort.

A white circle on her back.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her more recent diary entries were surprisingly devoid of emotion. They were simple sentences – she was not an artist. That’s right. Artists are not people who act, they are people who become.

Sunday, June 26

4:09 AM

I came back from a successful mission today. Tsunade gave me the paperwork to fill in and I completed them. Then Ichiraku’s without Naruto. Do I like ramen now? If so, that’s kind of creepy.

Saw Konohamaru on the way back to my apartment. Talked to him a little – said Naruto didn’t come to see him, like he usually does on Saturdays. Asks if Naruto is okay? I said I don’t know, he’s probably busy. Watched Konohamaru practice throwing shuriken for a while – his aim is actually better than Naruto’s. Guess he isn’t a carbon copy of the idiot.

I came home at 6 PM, made dinner, watched TV, did laundry, more TV

drank some coffee which tasted surprisingly shittier than usual tasted like leaves all crumpled up and shivering in the autumn

more TV some show about a lady and her long lost love and how they love each other and how in the end it was all okay and they still love each other but really it’s pointless and they acted horribly I could have done better couldn’t I

at 2 AM

was

alone

feel so

gaaahhh is not an emotion is it?

CRYCRYCRYDIEDIEDIE

Sakura slammed the book shut, then looked at her hands in fear through her tear-glazed eyes.

Ink-smudged.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SASUKE would have loved me if I couldn’t act. NARUTO would have hated me if I couldn’t act.

So why did I act?

Why do I act?

Because?

you know why Sakura you bitch

it’s cuz it’s the only goddamn thing you know how to do

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday, January 26

11:52 PM

Sasuke.

Please come home.

so you can start hating me again

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 YEARS AGO – THE BEGINNING OF HARUNO SAKURA’S APPRENTICESHIP UNDER THE GREAT TSUNADE

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sakura’s handwriting is not neat. It’s almost undecipherable, a scrawl of a wild beast.

When Tsunade saw this, she did a double take and almost regretted taking the girl up as her apprentice. Almost.

“S-SAKURA!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??”

Tsunade’s voice is easy to analyze. Sakura counted a hyphen, three exclamation points, and two question marks.

“Sorry…”

“…get a type-writer.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The machine was bulky, ponderous. Her hands awkward and slight.

Tuesday, October 31

10:41 PM

Typing at the pace of snails.

Tsunade told me to get a tpyebackspacebackspacebackspace typewriter. As you can see (or not see) Ubackspace I am not very good at typing Itbackspacebackspace . It is very hard and Imbackspace I’m not very good at hitting all the right keys but hopefully Tsuandebackspaaaaaaace Tsunade will not have to worry about my horrible handwriting anymore.

More like complain about it.

God I’m so fcking tired.

So I guess diary will be a compilation of white paper, black letters.

The days of bound pink sheets and lovely lavender ink are over.

You know wwhat?

(handwritten) I don’t know.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 YEARS, 26 WEEKS, 4 DAYS, 9 HOURS, 48 MINUTES LATER – PRESENT TIME – JULY 2

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Sakura-chaaaaaaan!”

The familiar voice called down the hall. Sakura picked her head up from the typewriter, the letters “F, G, H” imprinted on her forehead backwards. She must have fallen asleep from the night before. Standing up, she unscrolled the sheet of paper from the typewriter and stuck it in a random drawer.

“Coming!”

The door swung open. Naruto’s exuberant face beamed at Sakura’s tired expression.

“Sakura-chaaaaan! I got a present for you.”

She opened it. A beautiful, emerald-studded necklace fell out onto her lap, the green gem gleaming in the stray sunlight that made it past the curtains. To match her eyes, see. But her eyes are sea-green.

“Remember you said you wanted it for your birthday like three years ago? Well, I know it’s a little late, but I didn’t have enough money back then, so I thought I’d save up and last week I got enough so I bought it for you.” Naruto meekly looked at the necklace in her lap. “Hope you like it.”

Sakura stared. The present, Naruto, the present, Naruto, the present, Naruto. The present, her hands.

“God, I’m so fucking tired—!” She buried her face in her hands (of you being nice to me) hoping, hoping that maybe he was stupid enough to not notice? (that she was crying of course goddammit does she even know why she’s crying again)

“Hey, hey…” He wasn’t going to ask if she was okay, it was obvious she was not. He was about to feel her forehead for her temperature, but stopped when he saw something.

“F……G…H.”

Sakura looked up, and rubbed her moistened hands together.

“From God’s hands?” Naruto looked hopeful.

She shook her head. “Feigning gravity helps.” But… “Thank you. I mean, the necklace. I really like it.”

She hugged him, held him tight, tight, tight, and hoped he’ll never have to fall down.

(cuz I’m like this and he’s exactly the same)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

July 3 (she stopped writing the time)

Naruto probably knows more about me than I do.

That’s kind of scary.

But it makes sense.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

July 4

I take everything I ever said about Naruto back.

(From God’s hands? What the hell does that mean?)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

July 5

I didn’t hate him before. I didn’t even think he was stupid.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

July 6

Just I didn’t think he’d be able to love me

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(continued July 7)

if he knew that I ACTED EVERDAY

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(continued July 8)

like a girl, like a fucking prima donna.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(continued July 9)

Maybe I was just scared that he understood. But if I knew any better, I wouldn’t have been.

Naruto and Sasuke

The only two people who knew who I am and yet I didn’t know it?

(how could I not know? did I think that only I understood others?)

So do you think I still love Sasuke?

I might, if the rain wouldn’t fall so hard.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(July 10)

~~Maybe I was just scared of his touch. But if I knew any better, I wouldn’t have been.~~

~~Naruto and Sasuke~~

~~The only two people who knew who I am and yet I didn’t know it?~~

~~Do you think I still love Sasuke?~~

~~I might, if the rain wouldn’t fall so hard.~~

God I’m crazy.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 MONTHS LATER

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Orochimaru is dead.”

Ding! Dong!

The witch is dead!

“And it seems that Uchiha Sasuke…had killed him.”

So what does that make him? The lady or the tiger?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SEPTEMBER 28 – THE DAY HARUNO SAKURA RECEIVED THE NEWS THAT HER FORMER TEAMMATE, UCHIHA SASUKE, HAD KILLED HIS MENTOR, OROCHIMARU, ANOTHER OF THE LEGENDARY SANNIN

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

September 28

Sakura stared at the keys of her typewriter for a while, dumbstruck by writer’s block. Ten minutes later, she started to write. In ink. With a pen. On pink paper. Does this mean I’m not an actress anymore?

Uchiha Sasuke, you are poison to my soul. Yet I can’t stop chasing you until I die. Did I ever choose to let you go?

Uchiha Sasuke, this diary is yours. No matter if you ever wanted it or not. Did you ever choose to want your life?

Uchiha Sasuke

Now what?

The next morning she took all 407 pages of her diary and burned them.

She only had two words to say that left her lips in a whisper.

“Funeral pyre.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SEPTEMBER 24 – THE DAY UCHIHA SASUKE DEFEATED HIS MENTOR, OROCHIMARU, AND PROVED HE WAS STRONGER EVEN THAN ONE OF THE LEGENDARY SANNIN

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“No more.”

Sasuke stood over the serpentile, withered body of his teacher, Orochimaru.

“No more fire.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N:

-I don’t care what anyone says, but I like it. ^_^ And you know what? Karin is pretty ugly. And a whore.

-shishou – master, what Sakura calls Tsunade after the timeskip

-Um, explanations will be provided if anyone asks, I imagine that would be a hefty amount.

restrospect (working title)

subtitle: WHAT THEY DID AFTER HE ABANDONED THEIR HEARTS AND LEFT

chapter 2: caught a tree (with my bare fingers)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

if I were the court and you were the judge, who would be guilty of treason?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Uchiha Sasuke.

Did he have to do with anything that his life stood for?

Probably not.

Uchiha Sasuke.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kisame barged into the room, looking pale and startled. Itachi eyed him from the bed, eyebrow raised, in his usual fashion.

“You…you heard, right? Orochimaru…your brother…”

Itachi stared at his partner a few moments longer, then turned over onto his side.

“Good-night, Kisame.”

“Y-yes.”

Of course I heard. Am I a fool?

Possibly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7 YEARS AGO – UNKNOWN DATE, 2:45 AM

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His motivation? None.

It’s because I felt like it.

Hardly an explanation for his younger brother, but he gave it to him anyway.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Drowning.

He was the strongest shinobi of his class, that Uchiha Shisui.

But in the end pure water strangled him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

7 YEARS LATER, EXACT TIME UNKNOWN – A FEW MONTHS BEFORE PRESENT TIME

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Uchiha Itachi was the master of murder.

Deidara explained it succinctly to Tobi once.

“Cuz he’s a beast, un. Never regrets anything, acts on instinct. It’s impossible to tell what he’s thinking cuz he doesn’t think, un. Doesn’t feel either, no motivation, no desire. There’s this instinct within him, and it just tells him to kill. So don’t cross paths with him, got it?”

“How do you know this…Deidara-san?”

Deidara smirked, blue eye and camera lens sparkling with amusement.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, un.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Uchiha Itachi was also the one who picked Deidara up from the Hidden Village of the Rock and led him to join Akatsuki, so it was only plausible that Deidara had first hand knowledge of what he was like.

He’d been Itachi’s partner for a year before the Akatsuki, and he still doesn’t understand the enigma of that person.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

5 YEARS AGO – HIDDEN VILLAGE OF THE ROCK

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“But…why?”

Itachi stared at his new blond companion. Deidara seriously believed that Itachi was a brick wall, which wasn’t surprising, seeing as he came from a family of brick walls. Uchihas were notorious for their stoic.

“Never ask me that question again.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Itachi spoke up randomly.

“It’s like why you gauged your own eye out to put a camera in place of it. It’s like why day must turn to night, or why the sun sets.”

“What, un?”

“I don’t like repeating myself.”

And that was that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

PRESENT TIME

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Itachi didn’t care that his foolish little brother had killed the idiot Sannin member, nor did he want to know how, nor did he wish to congratulate him. These things never concerned him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

12 YEARS AGO – ITACHI IS EIGHT AND PRESIDES AT HIS HOME, THE UCHIHA MANSION

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fugaku looked disapprovingly at his first son, Itachi. The boy was a prodigy, surpassing everyone’s expectations, genius at all forms of the ninja art, yet he enjoyed lying on his back and staring at the clouds go by in his free time.

Even his five year old brother, Sasuke, had more energy than him, although, Fugaku had to admit, the little one was not as talented as his brother. Still…cloud-watching was not appropriate for a shinobi.

He told Itachi this, and the glimpse his oldest son gave him never left his mind until he died.

Stone-cold dead eyes.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

PRESENT TIME

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Deidara’s hand hesitated a little as he knocked lightly on the wooden door.

“Come in.”

He took the invitation, and sticking his head through, saw Itachi lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Lunch.”

The Uchiha didn’t move from his bed, so Deidara retreated from the door.

“Deidara.”

He opened the door wider this time. “Yeah?”

“Come here.” Itachi pointed at the ceiling. “You. You’re the artistic one. Tell me what the ceiling looks like.”

Deidara tilted his head up, despite the odd request. Tiny, subtle cracks and lines ran and criss-crossed the ceiling, something that not even he noticed before.

“Rivers, un. Intermingling with each other, intertwining, joining each other.”

“Really.”

“Yeah.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few hours later, Itachi sat down beside Deidara in the latter’s workshop.

“Wrinkles. Of a wasted, decrepit life.”

“Excuse me, un?”

“Not mine. My father’s.”

He left abruptly, a startled look in the sculptor’s eyes.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

but I guess it’s genetics, cuz I have them too

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I don’t like this one as much as Sakura’s chapter, but you know what, everyone tries to explain Itachi, so why not me as well?

And since I love Deidara so much, I just had to throw him into the mix. =P

Next chapter will be much, much better.

Or not.

restrospect (working title)

subtitle: WHAT THEY DID AFTER HE ABANDONED THEIR HEARTS AND LEFT

chapter 3: circuses for traitors

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Surreal.

He tapped the glass tank encasing various human experiments in water.

“Disgusting. To think you’d keep a trophy case of these things.”

“Only for research, Sasuke-kun. You never know when you need something that’s failed in one respect before.” Kabuto pushed his glasses up. They kept slipping a little.

“So how do they….not drown to death?”

“You probably can’t see it through the murky water, but they all have oxygen masks attached to their faces. Only lets through a very small amount though…we have to see which ones can survive and which ones are disposable.”

“Heh.”

“What?” Kabuto was annoyed. To say that the boy was arrogant was a total understatement.

“Nothing.” Just that you sound like my brother.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sasuke stopped by a certain tank, the label catching his eye.

NAME: Suigetsu

ORIGIN: Kirigakure

RELATED: trained by Zabuza, similar fighting style and water-based jutsu

EXP.: adjustments accordingly to his jutsu, fairly successful

“Huh.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The images seared into his brain.

Mutilated bodies, freaks of all kinds, horrible alterations.

These weren’t human anymore. They probably weren’t even alive, locked up skin-deep in water.

They were ghosts.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He never showed emotion anymore, but his dreams belied his façade.

If people were to see his dreams, captured on film, they would be able to kill him.

He still had dreams about Konohagakure.

Because he knows he was happiest there.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At day, Uchiha Sasuke was a killing machine.

He trained relentlessly, never talked, and kept to himself. Two years later, Orochimaru didn’t think the boy that came to him and the boy now were even the same person.

Even the mentor himself got a jolt when he looked straight into the boy’s eyes.

Stone-cold dead.

Because happiness doesn’t really matter to me anyway.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kakashi lounged back in his chair, chewing the end of a pen. Mountains of unfinished work ornamented his desk, floor, and over-all apartment, but all he could think about was Sasuke.

Sasuke, you idiot.

You may not have realized but…

The phone rang, and he looked at the offending object with contempt.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Did you ever notice the leaves fall backwards here?”

Jiraiya looked at his apprentice with confusion.

“What did you say?”

Naruto pointed at the tree across the river, where the two were resting and enjoying a “picnic,” as Naruto jokingly called it.

“You know regular leaves kinda curl up like a bowl when they fall? Usually they’re open-face up, falling in a zig-zag. But those leaves…they fall open-face down, so they do like a kind of tumble.”

The blond took a generous bite of his onigiri.

“But a leaf is still a leaf when it hits the ground.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Konoha is the land where fire burns, then I will be the water that quenches and rages.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sasuke had picked up an annoying habit from his brother.

He often lay on his bed and inspected the walls.

Knowing Itachi, the older brother always took the littlest things to be symbolic, depressing, fatalistic. In this respect, Sasuke was the creative one of the family – he thought the cracks on the ceiling of his room always looked like rivers. Breaking off from each other.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whenever he looked at the ceiling, this was the scene that always ran through Sasuke’s head:

Sakura held the plate of perfectly sliced apples towards the hospitalized Sasuke.

“Here you go, Sasuke-kun. Please eat something.”

His hands clenched into fists, claws of the tamed, and knocked the plated out of her hand. It shattered to the ground, little pieces littering the ground with their brilliance.

“What the hell did you do that for?” Naruto shouted.

“Don’t worry, Naruto, it’s alright.” Sakura bent down on her knees, collecting the pieces ever so delicately. She placed them lightly into the palm of her hand, like fragile souls, even though they were cutting into her legs, hands, and he could see the tiny winces of pain on her face –

“Dammit,” Sasuke grumbled, and his fists punched the mattress.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Naruto always told Sakura that she was too nice to Sasuke for her own good, that she should toughen up and have some backbone around him.

But she never listened, and just kept smiling that awfully beautiful smile of hers.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kakashi filled in the last blank of the papers he had to finish. He had stayed up for at least three nights in a row, and he’s never worked quite as hard before.

OBJECTIVE ACHIEVEMENT DETAILS:

The mission was at least five weeks ago, but he saved this one for last.

Failed.

You know the rest, Tsunade.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Uchiha Mansion was always a gloomy, old place. It was haunted, people said, by the ghosts of the Uchiha. A cursed clan. Had to be. Raised two traitors. What kind of people were they?

Sakura entered the building of the late Uchihas. The place always seemed warm to her, an open pair of arms. She put down her pack and slipped her shoes off.

Making her way to the back of the house, into the garden, then sat down in front of two graves.

UCHIHA FUGAKU and UCHIHA MIKOTO, respectively.

“Good morning, Fugaku-san, Mikoto-san.” She moved aside the dead, dried-up flowers and replaced them with new ones. Camellias.

“Please help me bring Sasuke-kun home, okay?”

Haruno Sakura visited the Uchiha graves every single week, up until the return of her teammate Naruto. After that, she felt that she didn’t need to anymore.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so why do you not hate me when I’ve hurt you so bad?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Naruto had attempted to keep a diary at one point of his life.

It turned out to be more like an autobiography, and he only wrote in it one day.

The first time I ever remember being alone was when I was five. Hell, it was my first memory. I was sitting at home, waiting for whoever it was who took care of me usually to come back. It’s kind of weird that I don’t even remember the person who raised me from when I was just a baby until then, but I guess I didn’t really like that person anyway. I was waiting for that person, like I said, I think it was a woman because I remember sitting on my bed wondering what time the person was going to come back and cook me dinner since I was hungry. But it could’ve been a man since there are man cooks out there. I watched the clock tick until ten in the night, and then I was almost starving to death so I went to the fridge to see what there was. Nothing but milk, cartons and cartons of it. Then I looked in the cabinet, piles and piles of instant ramen. I took one box of ramen out and I knew how to boil water, so I carefully poured it into the bowl of instant ramen and let it cool, then ate it. I guess I knew from that point on that the person was never coming back because they had left mountains and mountains of food to last me until the next like four years or so, so from then on I tried to make friends so I wouldn’t have to think about being lonely when I was at home, sitting on my bed, watching the clock tick, waiting to fall asleep so the next day could come and I would try to make friends again. Of course no one ever liked me, and now I know why, but back then, even though I was friendly to everyone, hate burned inside me like fire. I kept smiling on the outside but kept burning on the inside. Then one day I did a prank I forgot what but I was called into Sandaime-ojii-san’s office and I remember feeling real nervous since he was the top dog and he could kill me like what everyone else seemed to want to do. But then I looked into his eyes and saw it – he knew me. Whatever it was, it was like he said, I understand. For a long time, I just stared there, totally blanked-out, then he said to me, that thing inside you that you feel, what is it? And I said, right now it burns, and it feels like hell. And he said, no, it’s not hell. It’s fire. And I said, fire, hell, same thing. And he said, no. Fire melts the ice of hell. And then I just kind of stared at him, like what the hell? But I guess inside I really knew what he was talking about, since from then on it still burned, but it didn’t hurt anymore.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few minutes later, he added this:

So ojii-san really saved me. He looked out for me when no one else would. God it really hurt when he died, I just felt like no one else would be like him. Because of him, because I thought he was such a cool person, I wanted to be Hokage, so he gave me my dream I guess, and I owe him so much, but I never gave him back anything. He never asked for anything except for my happiness, but I always felt there should be more.

I have friends now. Sakura and Sasuke. Sasuke’s a real bitch, but Sakura’s so pretty and for a girl she’s really good at ninja stuff. Except I know she hates me like everyone else, but I like her because a long time ago, when she was shy and stuff, she was the only one who didn’t treat me like scum off the wall. I was playing by myself with a ball, and I tried to climb a tree with it, since I could be alone there and I was tired of everyone’s dirty looks, but of course I dropped it and it fell down. Well she was kind of alone too since people made fun of her big forehead which I did not think so, but before I could come down from the tree to get the ball, she came up with the ball and gave it to me. I thanked her and for a while we just kind of sat there, because here we were both alone but we were together, you know? Then she said, kids can be really mean. And I said, yeah. She said, but you can’t let them find your heart. They can take out your liver, kidneys, brain, lungs, but don’t ever let them take your heart. So I said, okay. You promise too? She promised.

I didn’t think of Sakura like as a crush before. She was also kind of like a beacon of light for me though. Like I knew however bad things were, she was like me and that just gave me peace. Like we were connected. One thing can change everything though. Sasuke changed her and she treats me like everyone else. But I know that there is still that girl underneath, because I can see it in her eyes. She’s not mean. She’s just acting, to get Sasuke’s attention. So I’ll wait for her, annoy her everyday to see if she stops acting. And even if she doesn’t truly like me back the way I like her, I will still keep plowing on, because at least I can see her heart. Sasuke may have stolen her love, but he’ll never take her heart.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Naruto kept this in his first drawer, with other little important trinkets. He’d occasionally look at it and smile to himself, because he doesn’t like hiding things from himself.

Naruto wears his heart proudly on his chest.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Naruto didn’t actually write his so-called diary all in one day. He added a section about Sasuke some time later.

I know I said I hated Sasuke many times, but now I think I really didn’t, it was just that he locked Sakura up in her own body and now all I can see of her are through her eyes, they’re like windows to the sea.

And then another:

Dammit Sasuke.

Dammit.

You’re a goddamn retarded little bastard, aren’t you?

One more:

Sasuke’s gonna be like Itachi no matter what he does. Because they’re both goddamn bastards.

But I want him back anyway. Sasuke’s my best friend and I have to beat him before he fucking gets himself killed. And Sakura. Sakura needs him too.

Dammit we all need him. What did Orochimaru have that we didn’t?

Oh right. Fucking POWER.

Dammit.

DAMMIT.

“From God’s hands come the grapes of wrath.”

I don’t even know what that means.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SEPTEMBER 24 – THE DAY THE WHOLE WORLD LEARNS OF OROCHIMARU’S DEMISE, AND MUST WONDER ABOUT ITS FATE

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Orochimaru is dead. And it seems that Uchiha Sasuke had killed him.”

This time Naruto didn’t even need a diary entry to express his feelings.

His facial expression said it all.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SEPTEMBER 24 – THE DAY UCHIHA SASUKE DEFEATED HIS MENTOR, OROCHIMARU, AND PROVED HE WAS STRONGER EVEN THAN ONE OF THE LEGENDARY SANNIN

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“No more fire.”

Because they’ll end up as rivers anyway.

Wet and traitorous.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N:

-A wrap-up chapter. Quite pointless.

-“From God’s hands come the grapes of wrath.” – I made it up. So don’t go searching it on Google, wondering where it’s from.

-Uchiha Fugaku and Mikoto – Sasuke’s parents.

-The scene Sasuke remembers in italics – If anyone doesn’t remember, it’s the scene right before Sasuke and Naruto fight on the roof. Yeah, it’s a little different, but you know what they say, kids. Plagiarizing is the crime of bad writers.

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 02:30:43 GMT

Reply and I'll give you a letter. Find five songs that start with that letter and post them to your journal.

Meh, mirha gave me K. Really, how many songs start with K? (Probably more than I know. >.<) So with the help of some friends and the ever-so-nifty Wikipedia...as a consequence I have many more songs that start with K now. ^_^

1. Something Corporate - Konstantine : I have a feeling that somehow, in some way, this song is not appropriate for children. Haven't checked the lyrics yet. ^_^

2. Seal - Kiss From A Rose : ^_^ A song from that 1995 movie, Batman Forever. I don't know what the beginning reminds me of....choraling Christmas songs with a touch of Scottish? >.< But it's pretty good.

3. Queen - Killer Queen : Yes, from the same person that brought us "We Will Rock You" and "We are the Champions." Sounds to me like a mix of Glamorous by Fergie and...Lady Marmalade. O.o

4. Radiohead - Karma Police : I don't know whether I like this song or not. It's not what I typically shoot for, but in a mad quest to find a K song, I stumbled upon this.

5. 3 Doors Down - Kryptonite : Out of all these, I think I like this the best. A little overrated from all its popularity, but I love the lyrics. You called me strong, you called me weak, but your secrets I will keep, you took for granted all the times I never let you down... ^_^ Eh, yeah, overrated. -___-

xDD Watching the Oscars...EDDIE MURPHY SHOULDA GOTTEN THAT BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR AWARD. Some drug-addicted grandpa from "Little Miss Sunshine" did... =P

success! xDD

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 01:53:45 GMT

My lack of motivation and random inspiration has somewhat paid off -- I have written that KakaSaku fic that I had promised on Valentine's Day but not delivered. So here it is. ^_^

Title: the lily, she cries [couldn't come up with a better name. =P Suggestions?]
Category: Naruto
Pairings: Slight KakaSaku
Genre: General / Romance
Rating: PG
Summary: Kakashi won't ever change. For Sakura? He might.

Not a leaf rustled in Konoha today, which was strange. Wind usually breezed by without a care in the world. Sakura tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she ran her errands.

[:]

You see the skin I’m living in, walking in? Yeah, wish it was mine.

[:]

It’s been almost a year since Naruto left to train with Jiraiya, but it seemed like forever to Sakura. Days were unexpectedly quiet, and she almost felt half-empty without him.

[:]

Borrowed it the other day, asked some girl, confidence pent up sky-high.

[:]

She sighed, lugging a huge box of sake and treats back to the Hokage Tower. She had to admit it – times were pretty lonely. Not that there wasn’t anything wrong with Tsunade or Shizune…just that she wanted some time with people her own age.

[:]

Don’t see what all the fuss is about, long as I didn’t steal it, it’s alright.

[:]

Thinking about her social woes and partially obscured by the box, Sakura bumped into someone.

“Oh, I’m sorry…” She looked up, her green eyes peeking above the box. “Kakashi-sensei?” In all actuality, she hadn’t seen her jounin instructor for a long time, and was rather relieved it was someone she knew.

“Ohayo gozaimasu, Sakura-chan,” he said cheerfully, saluting with two fingers.

The girl made a face. “…it’s five in the afternoon.”

“Oho, I’ve always had a bad sense of time…”

Sakura sighed. “You’ll never change, will you?” For this she was happy, though. She, and Naruto, and certainly Sasuke will morph into their individual characters, but Kakashi-sensei…he will stay his whimsical self. She smiled reminisciently.

“You okay there?” Kakashi asked, waving a hand in front of her face. “Well, it’s almost time for your break, so let’s go to Ichi—”

“Wait, how do you know it’s time for my break?” Sakura interrupted.

For a moment the older man was silent. Then he winked and leaned forward. “What kind of teacher would I be if I didn’t watch over my student?”

[:]

I wonder if anyone else feels as awkward as me

[:]

The atmosphere was surprisingly tense at Ichiraku’s, so much that Ayame had to leave for a while. Partially because Kakashi wasn’t much of a talker, and would never instigate conversation on his own, but also because it was a place of many memories, the ramen stand. Back when Naruto and Sasuke were still around, fighting over nonsensical topics…

“Kakashi-sensei,” Sakura suddenly said. She looked over to Kakashi, whose mask was off, but his mouth was partially obscured by ramen noodles anyway.

“Hm? What is it?” he responded, chewing pleasantly.

She blushed. “Um…well…can…c-can you tell me about…your teammates?”

He sat there for moment, unblinkingly, and for a moment Sakura thought he had died with his eyes open.

“Kakashi-sensei…?”

The jounin in question abruptly snapped back to reality. “I can’t,” he said brusquely.

“Well, why not?” Sakura retorted indignantly. “You know everything about Team 7, even things you aren’t supposed to know. Like Naruto’s sleeping habits, or what kinds of fillings Sasuke liked in his onigiri…”

“One day,” Kakashi proclaimed. “One day, you will find out about my teammates…but not right now.”

The rest of the meal continued in silence.

[:]

Cuz this skin you see, yeah, it doesn’t really fit.

[:]

They walked back to the Hokage Tower together, side by side. Sakura started to reach for the doorknob when a firm hand was put on her shoulder.

“Wait.” Kakashi dug through his pockets and produced a crumpled piece of paper. Unfurled, it revealed a goggled dark-haired boy, a brunette girl, another boy with a mask, and a blond man standing over them. Sakura grinned.

“I can’t believe this. You carry a picture of your team in your pocket?”

“Every single day.” A hand waved nonchalantly. “Ja ne.”

[:]

Talked to the waitress, said it was fine

[:]

“Amazing…” Shizune breathed, examining the picture. “Yondaime was Kakashi-senpai’s jounin sensei?”

“And that boy there is Uchiha Obito, and that girl is Rin,” said Tsunade, pointing the two out. “I had the pleasure of meeting both one time. They’re…dead now.”

“Kakashi-sensei did say once…that all his loved ones were dead…”

The Hokage eyed Sakura curiously. “You know, this is quite an accomplishment for Kakashi.”

Her student looked up. “Accomplishment?”

“Usually…Kakashi refuses to let anyone know about his past, if they ask about it. However, giving you this picture…and in addition, promising to tell you one day…” Tsunade smirked. “I’d say he’s taken a liking to you, Sakura. A job well done.”

The girl laughed nervously. “Well, I’m just his student, one that hasn’t already left…”

“And I’m just his Hokage, and yet he refuses to tell me.” Tsunade patted Sakura’s back. “You’re probably someone that he can trust. So go with your feelings, and do what you think will be right.”

[:]

But I think she was lying cuz her pen kept slipping.

[:]

That night Sakura had horrible dreams. Flashbacks of Sasuke abandoning Konoha, memories of the catalystic Chuunin Exams…and visions of Kakashi-sensei, of all people, leaving her, never turning back. Her outstretched arm tried to reach his, grab onto that vest, keep him here with her…

She woke up, tears and sweat streaming down her face. All just a dream, she told herself, a stupid dream. But inside, she truly feared that it wasn’t.

[:]

So one day, one day, I’ll find the secret to this game

[:]

“Kakashi-sensei!” Sakura screamed, banging on his apartment door with her fists. “Kakashi-sensei, open up, dammit!”

The door gave way to a very sleepy, unmasked Kakashi. “Eh? Sakura? It’s…four in the morning…we don’t have training, do we…?”

Sakura stood there, dumbfounded, for a moment, then flung her arms around Kakashi’s waist. “Kakashi-sensei no baka!” she muttered, crying into his white nightshirt. “You’ll never change, will you?”

He awkwardly stroked her head. “Er, do you wanna talk about what’s bothering you?”

She looked up with defiant eyes. “I can’t. One day you’ll find out though.”

Kakashi smiled and kissed her forehead lightly. “Now that’s the Sakura I know.”

[:]

And open that goddamn door with some key I found in a gold mine.

[:]

Eh, hope you like it. This has to be the first fic I'm actually pretty satisfied with. =))

a promise rebuked T-T

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 00:13:47 GMT

Eheh, so I ended up not writing that Valentine's Day fic. I think I'll still write it, just as a general KakaSaku fic though.

To make up for my complete lack of commitment, here is something that might interest everybody (something I stole from des_butterfly ):

What does your drawing say about YOU?

You are driven and ambitious and tend to make radical moves to reach your goals.
You are a direct and forthright person. You like to get to the core of the issue right away, with few signs of hesitation.
You like following the rules and being objective. You are precise and meticulous, and like to evaluate decisions before making them.
You have a sunny, cheerful disposition.

Um, sure.

the bonds of reasoning

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 18:01:41 GMT

Spiral (Suiri No Kizuna) is kick-ass amazing. xDD Anyone know where I can download/ watch episodes online? I can only find limited numbers on YouTube, and it doesn't even look like there are any from Bittorrent sites or Limewire.

Anyways, that's not the only point. I want to write a Valentines Day fic, and in a surprising act of authorness stupidity, I can't think of any couplings to do. So any ideas?

Alright, so no one's reading this. I should just give up asking the general public for advice. >.<

chapter 1 // tales of the ouran

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 01:14:11 GMT

The scary thing is that I started the series late Saturday evening and watched the last episode after school. -___- THAT'S HOW GOOD IT IS. Well, anyways, OHSHC inspired me to write a fic and kicked me off my lazy-ass butt. So without further delay...my own drabble series of OHSHC!!! (Be proud....be proud.)

Title: Tales of the Ouran
Chapter: 1, Gemini
Rating: PG / T (just to be safe)
Category: General
Summary: Random drabbles of the happenings at the Host Club.

If you click on the linkie below, you'll notice that I (kinda) changed my fic format. xDD

Tales of the Ouran

By Mirakuru Rein

[]

//Chapter 1: Gemini

[]

“Hikari-kun and Kaoru-kun should be represented by the Gemini sign! After all, they are twins!”

Four customers of the Host Club nodded to this, all voicing their opinions to the Hitachiin brothers sitting at their table. One especially enthusiastic girl spoke up.

“No, no! Two sides of a broken heart – the eternal symbols of forbidden love!”

The wealthy maidens sighed lustfully, tiny white hands clasped to their cheeks. This answer seemed to please them, but the twins looked bored, doubtful expressions on their faces.

“Aa, aa!” Kaoru grabbed Fujioka’s tea-tray-laden arm. “What do you think, Haruhi? An appropriate emblem for the both of us?”

The only female member of the Host Club put her forefinger to her chin, her eyes gazing off onto the distant wall. “Eh…if I’d have to choose, probably the yin-yang symbol, you know? Both are individual aspects, but they depend on each other and balance each other. Separate, they are totally different, but together, inseparable.” Her eyes return to the two in question. “Like you two. Kaoru, the soft-spoken, calm one, and Hikaru, the rebellious, brash one. Together you are a team who need each other.”

In the near background, hordes of love-struck girls squealed with pulsating hearts in their eyes. Hikaru and Kaoru, however, merely shrugged.

“I suppose she’s right…”

“Suppose so, I guess…”

Haruhi smiled and started away. “Excuse me, I have guests to serve.”

Neither of the twins would ever admit it, but she had pinned their existence down to the very core.

masks on parade

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 18:46:06 GMT

So the school play was a success, everyone loved it, and I ended up getting home at 1 AM due the the after party I attended. And now I'm really tired, out of fic ideas, and supposed to study for another Physics test on Wednesday. Yay me.

And don't ask about the song I'm listening to. I don't know either.

patches of it

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 23:05:24 GMT

So I ended staying up until two in the morning yesterday not only to make up for all the time I lost procrastinating studying for the physics test, but because a plot bunny struck me so hard that it blew my exhaustion away. (Nonetheless, I am a bit tired today. *yawn*) So here it is: my first sannin story.

Title: Patches
Pairings: TsunadeXdeadDan, JiraiyaXTsunade if you squint real hard
Genre: General/Angst
Rating: PG-ish
Summary: And then there were three, two, none.

Patches:

In His Eyes, She’s Beautiful

Brief Scenes of a Year-long Eulogy

By Mirakuru Rein

-----------------------------------------------------------------

prologue

-----------------------------------------------------------------

The things he used to be afraid of stood before him like defiant paper demons. He ripped the calendar page off his wall; summer was long over, yet he didn’t want to admit it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

end prologue - debut

-----------------------------------------------------------------

He hadn’t pictured things to be like this.

“Don’t talk to me. I’m not interested.”

Her hair looks like it’s suffocating her, the way it’s so long. She needs to cut it, it’s all disheveled. How’d he love to take a pair of scissors and snip it away, and see her face glow again.

“I wasn’t going to.”

She tosses a newspaper in his face. “Then read this.”

OBITUARY: Dan. An exemplary shinobi, his accomplishments include…

“I thought you were over him.”

She looks confused, the blond, limp rays of sadness collapsing. “Did I say that?”

“Yeah…”

The both of them were sitting on the black memorial slab, bodiless names etched in it carefully, and all they could hear was the drip, drip, drip of April drizzles. If only a river could wash the blood away.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

“I was hoping he’d die.”

“Orochimaru…” The white-haired man fiddled with a piece of string in his hand. He tried not to break it; it was delicate, like a life-line.

“Tsunade should never have loved him. It was a foolish choice. She attached herself to him.”

“Like the way you shouldn’t love yourself?”

A serpent-like tongue extracted itself and the snake summoner laughed. “Jiraiya, such impertinence. I suggest you stop before I might have the urge to kill you.”

“Kill me?” You’ve killed yourself, Orochimaru. A long time ago. You killed yourself so that the devil might take your body.

“Of course. Did you think I held any attachments towards you?” Had to shove it in his face until it hurt, didn’t he?

“Yeah, you’re a snake summoner, alright.” Coaxing it with a flute.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

“The bastard ran away…” Little pools formed at the edges of her eyes. She looked helpless.

“Sorry I had to tell you. I just thought you oughta know. Since he was our friend and all.”

She slammed her medical book shut. He was surprised she still read them. “Great friend he was.” She sighed, her small shoulders complying to defeat. “Tell me it’s not over, Jiraiya.”

“Did you know toads can secrete toxins when they’re under stress? A little toad and his potent poisons.” He looks over his shoulder at the surprised blond girl. “It’s not over. Not by a long shot.”

It was December then. Toads can camouflage, but not with the snow.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

“He’s gone.”

The girl doesn’t move from her position on the bed.

“When Nawaki died…I thought the same thing.” She fingers the blue crystal that’s touched blood at least twice now. “I thought, ‘He’s got to be gone!’ But he’s still here.”

“Tsunade…life doesn’t work like that.”

She flashes her angry eyes at him, but in reality, they’re just splotchy patches of brown. No, not brown. Black.

“Life doesn’t work like what? Your stupid porno magazines? Well if you’re not, I’m going to!”

He shakes his head sadly. “Going to what?” His voice cracks a little, and he didn't think it hurt so much.

She falls down to her knees, like a prayer. “I don’t know.”

Her hair’s splayed out on her back. She’s cut it herself, and she keeps the lost strands in a wooden box. Like orphans.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Shizune’s a sweet girl, but she can’t take the place of three men.

“Tsunade-sama…” The girl tries to shove food into the medic-nin’s mouth, but he knows it’s useless. She doesn’t eat unless it’s at exactly 10:03 PM – the time death once tolled.

“Don’t force it, Shizune. She’s like a baby – they don’t like food unless they need it.”

The apprentice laughs. “Or like an old lady. My grandmother used to be really picky about eating too. It’s funny how – ”

Tsunade suddenly stands up, as if in a trance. “I don’t want to get older.”

“What?”

She looks at him with a half-wild face, eyes wide and innocent. “I said, I don’t want to get older. I want time to stand still.”

“Tsunade, you okay? Maybe you should eat – ”

“I’ll make it happen.” She looks at her watch, then abruptly runs away.

She had forgotten her jacket. It was a blue one today. “Tsunade-sama, wait! Your jacket!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

She drinks quite a bit a sake now. Is it a hobby? he wonders.

“Sake looks like water, but it really isn’t,” he comments when she’s downed at least seven bottles.

She sighs, tapping the little porcelain cup with her nail. “It may not be, but it’s the next best thing.”

“To what? To food?” She did look paler, and certainly thinner, than usual.

“Jiraiya…I’m leaving Konoha tomorrow.”

He stared in stark disbelief. “What the hell? You crazy? What are you going to do outside of Konoha? You are a shinobi, after all.”

“To purgatory with shinobi this, shinobi that. I’m going to gamble my life away, and if I lose my soul, the devil can at least give me in exchange the chance to see Nawaki and Dan again, if only for an instant.”

He shakes his head. “Good god, the devil? Would you really go that far?”

She gives him an inquisitive look. “Would I?”

He gets up to leave. “Just keep in mind that Orochimaru is the devil now. I wouldn’t give him my soul, he’d eat it.”

“Hungry, hungry little fools,” she starts humming to no one in particular. He wonders if she’s talking about herself.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

epilogue

-----------------------------------------------------------------

By the time spring swung around again, the ones he cared about had already left him, leaving a repulsive, gaping hole in his chest. He wonders if he’ll ever gain his heart back, even if the angels cry over him.

So he leaves as well, and lets the dust take care of everything.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

fin

-----------------------------------------------------------------

A/N:

-“To purgatory with shinobi this, shinobi that.” – If you’ve ever read Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut, the main character claims purgatory’s worse than hell. I kinda got obsessed with that idea, therefore the reference.

-By the way, these snippets aren't immediately day after day. They take place over an entire year -- April to an unspecified spring. As I had explained, kinda.

inspiration is yet so fleeting

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 00:17:06 GMT

Right now I'm trying to procrastinate and not study for a major physics test that's tomorrow. -__- Somebody has to smack me real hard.

Anyways, I have like NO inspiration for any fic. Absolutely none. Nada. Gimme some ideas? (I have a vague feeling no one but myself reads this, but just in case...) I've just finished reading the loved birds' fics on Fanfiction.Net (she has a livejournal here, somewhere...) and OMG I got really inspired to write something wonderful like her but I dunno what. xDD So as you can imagine...I'm in a fix.

As a sidenote: I just re-read Saturday (which I posted yesterday) and I realized that it really, really sucks. The ending is okay but Ima fix their convo....it's really awkward. And I thought writing dialogue was one of my strong points. >.< Ah well, that's for another day in the merry month of February...these last few days of January are packed with stuff to do, so I can't do anything in terms of fics. Although I still try to procrastinate a lot...which I'm realizing is a bad thing.

How do you change the font on this thing?

Alright. Later.

Saturday omg xDD

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 18:06:29 GMT

Title: Saturday
Pairing: Rangiku X Gin
Genre: General/Romance (barely)
Rating: PG-13 because I said so and there's some explicit language xDD
Summary: Gin and Rangiku "happen" to bump into each other. (Or maybe because the author wanted them to.)

Omg Delia/Sakura just burned my brain out after asking me who my crush was thx man >.<

Now back to the show.

Saturday

By Mirakuru Rein

A/N: My first Bleach fic, as requested by Delia/Sakura. Enjoy~! (Keep in mind it's a draft... and also I have no idea why the third paragraph is all indented like that...stupid microsoft word...)

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Today was Saturday, bleak – bleak as hell’s rain. The early tendrils of morning air were suffocating, so much that Matsumoto couldn’t sleep all night.

“Eh…sake wa doko ni…”

She groped around her fridge for some sake, but to Matsumoto’s horror, her hand only met the cold, frigid air. She peered inside, confused, then remembered – Hitsugaya had come the night before and disposed of all the sake he could find, forbidding his vice-captain to get a hangover on the extremely important next day.

Today was also Kuchiki Rukia’s execution, one that all members of the Sanjyuu Gotei were attending. Matsumoto didn’t know the girl well, but she thought it was a little sick that so much eager excitement could be created about someone’s death, so she was quite glad that Hitsugaya had commanded her to help him scout for clues.

She had hidden some sake in her bathroom (as a precaution to the Hitsugaya turnover), so she took a bottle to drink as she walked to her taichou’s office. After all, no morning was complete without sake, even if it was against orders.

The 10^th squad vice-captain was barely out the door when she bumped into someone she would much rather not have.

“Pleasant surprise, ain’t it, Rangiku?” Ichimaru Gin’s disarming smile lit up on his face, like a cat that’s caught its prey.

“Get out of my way, Gin,” she responded coldly.

“Now, now…is that how you treat someone who jus’ wanted to wish you a good mornin’?”

“Always playing the innocent one, now, aren’t you…” Matsumoto uncorked the bottle and took a sip. “I told you to get out of my way, you bastard.”

The smile grew wider on Gin’s face. “So you an’ the lil’ brat are still out lookin’ for ways to prove I killed dear ol’ Aizen-taichou…How cute. Havin’ fun or are you jus’ foolin’ around?”

“Fuck off, Gin. This isn’t funny.” She tried to side-step him but he grabbed her hand.

“Gomen ne, did I offend you? Jus’ wanted to warn you that whatever you two are plannin’…jus’ wasting time.” He tightened his grip on Matsumoto’s wrist. “So thanks in advance. Buys me lotsa time. I jus’ always wanted to know…how does it feel to be whipped aroun’ by a ten-year-old?”

Matsumoto flinched, setting Gin off into a soft burst of laughter.

“Oh, I see, you’re still bitter about that…makes me wonder if your damn loyalty to him is true…”

She dropped the sake bottle, which slid to the floor with a crash. The sake seeped into the wooden floorboards, her last batch of alcohol being drunk by dead trees. “Let go,” she murmured, trying to control her voice through clenched teeth. Her free hand instinctively went to the hilt of the zanpakutou on her waist.

The fox-like face softened mockingly. “Whatsa matter? We were jus’ beginning to ketch up on things…like ol’ times…”

Matsumoto glared at him. “Don’t try to use that shit with me. You didn’t even want to talk to me last time I remember. Because of your fucking big-ass job promotion, the one you didn’t really earn, remember that?”

Gin’s smirk disappeared. “Last time I remember you didn’ get any. So I’d shut up if I were you.” His fingers unclasped from her hand.

She rubbed her red wrist, freshly imprinted with nail marks, and sighed. “Well, good day, Ichimaru-taichou. I’ll be on my way.”

“Rangiku.”

She turned around, but he didn’t. “What?”

“Sorry.”

“For what?” She thinks she still loves him, in the very depths of her tired heart. “For making my life a living hell?”

For not holding onto her when he could have?

For saving her?

“For life.”

He didn’t notice that she had already left, but kept on walking.

~be careful what you wish for~*~

“Did it feel good?”

“No, but it was empowering.”

He thinks he misses it when her hair was short.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Ichimaru Gin was not a sentimental man. He didn’t care for many people, and his only love was the bittersweet taste of power.

“How disappointin’. You coulda hung onto me a lil’ longer.”

Matsumoto didn’t say anything, but her eyes burned and quite literally exposed his true, melodiously wretched heart (the one he thought he didn’t have).

Why was life such hell and death so desirable? The pounding in his head wouldn’t stop for the world, and neither would he.

“Sorry…Rangiku.”

The last thing Gin can really focus his eyes on is Rangiku, who’s turned her back on him, like everyone else.

~and don’t look back~*~

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-fin-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

A/N:

-The ending is really very abstract compared the majority of the story, but I liked the ending a lot, so it’s here to stay!!

-There is a Wicked reference thrown casually in there (because I love that musical way too much to be sane) so brownie points to whoever guesses where it is (anyone who listened/watched Wicked, it’s pretty obvious -___-). Maybe a prize? O.o

-“sake wa doko ni” – I searched all over for how to say “where is it?” but apparently beginner Japanese sites don’t even tell you what “it” is. -__- Also, I’m sure that’s not the proper way to say it, so I’m not even sure why I stuck that in.

-“gomen ne” – informal way to say “Sorry.” The other informal way is just “gomen” and the formal way is “gomen nasai” or “sumimasen,” though I have no idea what the difference is (though I do know that “sumimasen” means “excuse me” as well).

-I tried not to make Gin sound uber-Southern, because Osaka-ben is just like modified, casual Japanese. So, uh, yeah. >.<

-“ketch up” – I was cracking up when I wrote this. You know, like ketchup?? …okay, school has seriously done something to my brain.

Soon to come...

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 16:05:49 GMT

I promised Delia/Sakura I'd post that Bleach fic for her, but I'm so busy that my brain has been wrung dry at least seven times in the last few days. And this is my pathetic excuse as to why I haven't been writing fics recently.

Alright, post later. With the Bleach fic. Maybe.

More fics (from my FF.Net profile)

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 23:25:59 GMT

Some fics I wrote posted on Fanfiction.Net.

Title: Cocoon
Characters: Naruto, mentions of Sasuke and Sakura
Genre: General
Rating: PG
Summary: Naruto's sleep conditions take a turn when Sasuke runs away to join Orochimaru. 200 word drabble.

Cocoon

By Mirakuru Rein

-start-

“And Uchiha Sasuke?”

“…nowhere to be found.”

The first time he heard that, it broke his heart. He couldn’t even bring his best friend back. He clenched his teeth. Pathetic.

That night he had the first of his many streams of nightmares. It always comprised of Itachi, standing over his parents with a bloodied katana, then Sasuke, spiraling down a dark abyss, and lastly Sakura, who wept over a lifeless body with blond hair. These installments always lasted ten minutes each, no more, no less, because Naruto always woke up to see exactly thirty minutes had passed. After that he couldn’t sleep the rest of the night, and the next night the cycle started all over again.

Pretty soon he started taking caffeine and staying up all night, just so he wouldn’t have those dreams, but even in bouts of insomnia the images would flash through his mind.

And just as quickly as they started, they stopped. When he couldn’t remember, but it was the day after Sakura took him to lunch. He couldn’t say if this event caused the cessation of the dreams, or if it was merely coincidence, but all he knew was it safe to sleep again.

-finish-

A/N: Yes, short and succinct. Called Cocoon because I imagined that a warm, safe sleep would be enveloped in a cocoon. Takes place after the Sasuke Retrieval arc.

Title: The Definition of Green
Characters: Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Kiba, Shino, Hinata, Neji, Lee, Tenten, Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino
Genre: General
Rating: PG
Summary: Jealousy is surprisingly rampant. But the definition of it can be interpreted in many ways. Here's a look of how our favorite twelve Konoha ninjas define green, the color of envy.

The Definition of Green

By Mirakuru Rein

A/N: Experimented with list type things.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Tenten is jealous of Neji. True, the whole Branch House thing can’t be fair, but true, he is a certified genius. He will always be better at leading a squad than her, and he will always be a better fighter than her, and Tenten knows it. All Tenten ever wanted to do was prove girls were just as good as, if not better than, boys in the ninja art, and Neji’s always been there to disprove that. For that reason she is jealous of him, because he is powerful enough to make her doubt herself.

“It’s because they’re both girls.”

“It’s just because they’re not willing to hurt each other. Gender doesn’t matter when you’re fighting.” Tenten didn’t notice it, but her face turned away from Neji as she said this.

A lot of people know that Lee is jealous of Neji, but only Neji knows he is actually jealous of Lee in return. Many regard the Hyuuga as a genius, but like Lee said, what is a genius? The boy who had graduated with nothing but taijutsu had worked to the point where he could defeat, and probably kill, a genius like Neji. So Neji is jealous of Lee because Lee has the power to prove his beliefs, while Neji was only being a hypocrite about fate.

“Genius? What is genius? I will make sure that through hard work, I will beat this so-called genius of yours!”

Neji was surprised to hear the determination in Lee’s voice when he first heard this, because he figured that Lee would have given up by now. But as he watched the boy trying to fight the sand around him, the words only continue to astonish him.

Lee was jealous of Neji, even since the Academy, but ever since he met Naruto he has instead been jealous of him. Lee was first jealous of the prankster when he heard he had beat Neji, a feat Lee’s never been able to achieve. But what Lee is truly jealous of Naruto about is that while Lee had been trying to lead Neji through his darkness for a year, Naruto was able to change his views in a single fight. Naruto had been able to be a better friend to Neji than Lee had, and for that Lee is jealous.

“So I said, ‘If you don’t want to do anything, then don’t! But when I become Hokage, I’ll change the Hyuuga for you!’” the blond boasted afterwards when Lee asked about the fight.

Lee smiled and nodded, but his goals had retreated now out of reach in full view. He shifted on his crutch as he tried to keep up with Naruto’s quickening pace.

People think Naruto is jealous of Sasuke, but Naruto knows being jealous of Sasuke won’t get him anywhere. The only way he can beat Sasuke is by training like hell. Instead, Naruto is jealous of Sakura, because she is smart, practical, and most importantly, she is a miracle healer. Whenever Naruto is depressed or laden with troubles, he goes to her to “get fixed,” he likes to call it. She doesn’t need a fight to beat sense into his head, but instead she can set him straight with a few sensible sentences. So Naruto is jealous of Sakura because she is not a boy and she’ll always mend better than he ever will.

“He’s really annoying, and he’s never serious! He doesn’t understand people’s hearts, like mine.”

Naruto thinks of these words sometimes when he’s stuck in a situation. It comes out of the blue, and it’s from when Sakura was immature and didn’t really understood Naruto herself, but he thinks she was right back then anyway.

There are many misconceptions of Sakura’s jealousy for Ino, because there is none. Sakura views Ino as a goal, and more importantly, a friend. Sakura’s a little jealous of Naruto, because he works so hard and gets what he deserves, but she realizes she sees a lot of herself in him, so she knows that someday she will get as far as he does. Her jealousy, however, is really directed towards Sasuke, and she thinks that she loves him because she spends so much time thinking about him. Sakura watches Sasuke train everyday, harder and harder, just to kill his brother, and she’s amazed that he would even go the extra length to join an evil Sannin to do it. That, Sakura decides, whatever people say, is the real sacrifice for your dreams: to give up your home, your love, and your morals. She’s jealous that he has a goal to work towards, while hers to win Sasuke’s heart is a little more than a fantasy she made up in her mind.

“It’s going to hurt not only me, but you! You’ll never be happy this way!”

Sakura thinks of the way Sasuke had coldly knocked her unconscious, nonresponsive to the pleas she made. It isn’t strength, she believes, but bravery to turn your back on all you’ve ever known and needed.

Sasuke is not jealous of many people. He’s convinced himself that however much Naruto has improved, he’ll match that by tenfold. He’s not envious of other prodigies as well, because he’s focused on achieving his goal and no one else really matters. But Sasuke is jealous of Shikamaru, because the genius is lazy and has no motivation. Sometimes Sasuke wishes that he didn’t have to kill his brother and that people didn’t have to expect so much out of him. When Sasuke remembers how Shikamaru always watched the clouds, lying down on the grass and never training, he feels a twinge of jealousy.

“I just want him to say, ‘As expected of my child.’”

Sasuke’s never really talked to or met Shikamaru before, but the kid was notorious for falling asleep during class. Sasuke is always number one in the class, yet he considers himself an idiot. When he sees Shikamaru, Sasuke begins to see how his life looks like and how twisted it really is.

Shikamaru isn’t jealous of Chouji, because he knows his friend worked hard to get where he is, but instead he is jealous of his other teammate, Ino. Shikamaru’s always considered the blonde girl annoying and loud, and of course always troublesome, but she demands attention. Shikamaru’s always been the unappointed strategist of the team for obvious reasons, but Ino’s always been the unappointed leader, bossing the two boys around. And they’ve always listened to her. Why, they don’t know, but it seems right, that much they know. Ino is a born leader, the perfect head of state, and Shikamaru’s jealous that he can’t be just like her when he’s leading his missions.

“So, what are you going to do?”

Ino’s fearful eyes watched Sakura being beaten into a bloody pulp. Shikamaru wanted to run away in fear, no matter how calm his voice sounded, but Ino’s decision was always more important than his. There was no question about it.

Ino knows that she is unsurpassed in beauty or talent in female ninja skills, but she is mortally jealous of Chouji, though she’ll never admit it. No matter how she lectures him about how dieting will help him attract girls, he’d refuse and say he’s just fine the way he is. So whenever Ino hears Chouji’s adamant protests of being “big-boned,” she smiles and is a little jealous, because Chouji has the confidence to be the way he is, and she will always try to change herself to suit the guy she tries to impress that would never take interest in her either way.

“You’re eating so much again! And I thought you looked pretty good when you just came out of the hospital!”

Chouji shrugged and continued stuffing his face. His name suits him, because a butterfly is beautiful no matter how much it gorges itself. A boar is only pretty when you see its inner fight.

Shikamaru’s laziness is yet to be unrivaled, and for that Chouji is glad he’s not jealous of Shikamaru, because he knows he has to train well to prove the Akimichi clan’s worth. But however much Chouji agrees that his size is an advantage to his skill, he is still jealous of Aburame Shino. The two have never met formally, but Chouji has always noticed him when no one else would. The silent boy’s ninja expertise amazes him, and Chouji feels sorry when Shino would always go pass, unsaluted by anyone but his own team. Nonetheless, Chouji is not jealous of the Aburame for his number of successful missions, but rather because he is last to be acknowledged, while Chouji would be the first to be noticed because he is overweight. So Chouji is jealous of Shino, because Shino has the amazing ability to melt with the shadows.

No one cheered, no one said anything. Shino walked in silence to be only hailed with congratulations from his team. This was the first time Chouji felt jealousy towards a boy who did nothing to him except show him that it was possible to be a wallflower, and that Chouji could never achieve that status.

#10

Shino has never said much about any of his feelings, so that’s why no one knows his jealousy for Kiba. Shino knows he is the type of person to be left out in a crowd, to be called “creepy” many times over. This has no bearing on him, because he accepts it as how society will treat him and that he can’t change it however he wants to. But he’s watched Kiba, who is the kind of person to always be surrounded by friends, to attract people with charisma alone. So Shino watches Kiba with silent jealousy, because Kiba will always be accepted for who he is, and Shino will always be disliked for that exact same reason.

“I want to know what happened on the mission.”

“Why? What if I don’t want to tell you?”

Shino stopped. “Because it is the matter of being teammates now. You have to tell me.” He continued walking, but Kiba didn’t.

“Are you just jealous because you were the only one left out of it?” Shino gave a small sigh. Perhaps he was.

#11

Kiba is loud and brash, but he’s never announced the fact that he’s jealous of Hinata. Everyone thinks Hinata is a shy, weak girl, but Kiba knows better. She’s determined, never giving up even when her father doubted her, and resolves team disputes that many times Kiba himself starts. Kiba likes to think himself as protecting Hinata, but truthfully Hinata has helped him many times more than he has aided her. Hinata gives Kiba and Shino resolve to go on, she is the silent leader of the team who marches them through the hard times. Kiba wants to prove he’s better than everyone, especially Naruto, but Hinata is the one person he can’t beat. She’s simply stronger than Kiba is, and always will be, and for that reason he is jealous of his quiet female teammate.

“Are you okay? I knew that we were going too hard on you!”

“No,” she quietly resisted, getting on her hands to support her small frame. “Please keep going. Please, do it, for my sake!” Hinata stared up at her male teammates with a ferocity that made Kiba scared. So scared he was willing to do whatever she asked him. For her sake.

#12

Hyuuga Hinata is not jealous of anyone. She is not jealous of alleged prodigies and geniuses, because she knows that many times it has been proved hard work can achieve anything. She is not jealous of her friends, because she knows that one day she will help them just as they have helped her. She is not jealous of her opponents either, because she respects their abilities and will take what she learns on the battlefield into account with her own life. Rather, she is jealous of the sky, because people always look towards it for solace when they need help, and Hinata knows it will always exist for that purpose. Hinata wants to be like that – always there, dependable because people know she’s reliable. But she also knows that she will always be viewed as weak and insecure, and that’s why she will never be any kind of mentor to anyone. So when Hinata looks at the sky to seek comfort, she’s jealous of all the attention it gets.

“Hinata, give up. You will never beat me.”

“I will not take back my words,” she said between halting breaths. “Because that is my way of the ninja!” Ironically enough, she thought, Naruto’s eyes were the exact shade of blue the sky was when she looked out of the window during the first test of the Chuunin Exam.

--------------------------------------------------------------

A/N:

-taijutsu – hand-to-hand combat

-Sannin – Orochimaru, Tsunade, and Jiraiya. Means "the three." Obviously, the evil one is Oro-chan.

-Chouji’s name means butterfly, while Ino’s means boar.

Most of the italic scenes are from the anime (not word for word but improvised), just saying. If you read the manga, I’m supposing you get the point of the scenes.

Back to school....ugh....

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 23:10:38 GMT

Back to school already since yesterday. Why they couldn't just give us the rest of the week off is beyond me.

Anyways, here's an experimental fic of mine, where I attempt to use present tense in a meaningful way. Produced when my sister stole the internet connection for the day and I had nothing better to do than stare at my computer.

Title: Untitled; A Song
Pairings: Kin X Kabuto, one-sided in some way
Genre: General/Romance (?)
Rating: PG (sadly I write many of these)
Summary: She couldn't hear until she met him. Then there was the devil's song.

It begins with a song, inexplicably so. A song with no subject, rambling words following a tune trying to find a heart to burrow itself in.

They try to tell her about it, but to no avail. She doesn’t understand what a song is, because she can’t hear it. People explain to her that it’s like when people born blind don’t know what color is, and shake their head sadly when she doesn’t respond.

“Beautiful child…such a pity she’s deaf…” They murmur this to themselves, as though she could try to eavesdrop, but she knows what they’re talking about anyway.

Her father was always enraged at her. He had hateful eyes, those that spoke the truth when others were afraid to. She’s a dirty, worthless creature, a writhing mole on their pretty, white-faced society, looked upon as though she deserved what abuse she received. She wishes that man could feel her pain for once, suffer the way she did, and not bury his head in alcohol and late-night rendezvous with women he isn’t married to.

Ironically, she can play the piano well; her fingers strike every single note perfectly. Her teacher said she has great talent, one that rivals the masters, but to herself playing has the dullness of operating a machine, or playing a senseless child’s game. Never fun once you learn the secrets to winning.

He came to her one day, through the fires of hell, as she sits at the instrument, playing a piece she can’t hear. A silhouette of the devil himself, but she thinks it’s beautiful. If she could hear what a song sounded like, it would be as wondrous as this sight.

Her father’s pitiful charred body is the last thing she glimpses of her past, and she’s carried away as her village is burning down, away, away to somewhere she couldn’t care less. When they reach the destination, he doesn’t try to say anything to her, but injects her. For a moment, wildly, unreasonably, she thinks he’s killed her, when her vision blacks out.

She wakes up seven, eight hours later and is disappointed to hear the faint hum of machines. He fixed her, she knows, she’s not broken anymore. It’s an act of kindness that will leave her in debt forever.

The next thing she hears, though, is someone, like a song probably, she’s never heard. “Forget what you knew before. Your life is here now, and your name is Kin.”

Breathtaking – words, words, and finally the accompaniment.

“And yours?”

“Kabuto.”

A/N: Scared yet? Anyways, I know that I switched tenses halfway in and then reverted to present tense. It was done on purpose, no matter how grammatically incorrect it is.

Hello, hello

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 23:11:31 GMT

Hey! This is a space where I, Mirakuru Rein, can post some of my fics (experimental and ready-for-publishing alike) and other random blabberings of my life. I write Naruto fics mostly, but have Yu Yu Hakusho, Rurouni Kenshin, Harry Potter fics I'm currently working on as well, and I'm a rabid yaoi fangirl as well, so beware. Have fun exploring my small little domain.

About the layout: I was way too tired to make one from scratch, so I used the "custom colors" option. The colors were supposed to be "sepia tones," but they actually turned out mustard yellow. -__- Well, I'll fix them later.

My sites: FF.net Profile and Fly With The Moon (where my challenge fics are, so don't be scared of the other nonsense). Visit, please?